What do you do while you wait?
I currently vacillate between enjoying my Chicago summer and fixating on the waiting. The interminable waiting. Waiting for my period, waiting for my next IVF cycle, waiting for my - fingers crossed, prayers submitted - next positive pregnancy test, and I dare not go beyond that. Occupational infertility hazard: I rarely verbalize or think beyond getting knocked up by docs/lab techs and staying pregnant beyond some invented "safe zone" in the second trimester. Images of giving birth to an actual baby rarely cross my mind. Certainly that's the goal but mentally it's an abstract goal.
Yeah. That. I want that. Another glass of wine, s'il vous plait.
Then I distract myself with a shiny object.
It's perfectly healthy.
As of late, my go-to shiny object has been my home. I live in a cute two bedroom condo with wonderfully large living and sunny spaces, a sweet little balcony, and very tiny bedrooms. It is covered in dog hair.
Stream of consciousness story break - My very spoiled coworker came over for drinks one evening and complemented my home. She then added, "But what will you do when you have a baby? Where will you put it?" Totally normal way to talk about children. Where do you put them? "In the second bedroom," I replied. "We'll convert it from an office to a nursery." "But it's so small! You can't put a baby in there!" Girl, please. Babies have slept in dresser drawers for the past 4,000 years. Entire Inuit families sleep in a single igloo. My kid will do just fine in her 8 x 8 bedroom whenever she decides to grace us with her presence.
And back to my previous train of thought. My home. As things feel rather out of control with my uterus, I've poured my energy into making my home feel like a more stylish, comforting place to be. I'm trying to reduce the clutter and crap and bring in pieces and colors that make me feel calm and happy. I started with my bedroom. I went from drab olive walls (my choice 5 years ago - going for cozy and autumnal. fail.) to a gorgeous light blue-gray (Benjamin Moore Arctic Gray, if you're interested). Et voila, insta-peace. Then added a beautiful Deco-inspired sunburst mirror, an upholstered headboard and some white and nickel lamps. Yesterday I polished it off by splurging a little on a Kate Spade comforter and sham set. I kinda love it. Here's the pic replete with wrinkled comforter right out of the bag. The photo was taken with my phone and seeing as the room is quite small, it could have benefited from a wide angle lens.
Also on the agenda, my balcony. Flowers make me happy. A few weeks ago I ventured to the local garden center and stocked up on some plants that I knew would do well on my sun-dappled, mostly shady porch. Peppermint double-impatiens (obsessed. like little roses!), yellow-purple torenia and lime green sweet potato vine won out. Some inherited giant begonias joined the team on the table. And the result? A sweetly relaxing spot to while away the weeks/months before my next cycle. Just picture morning tea on this bad boy. Side-planted hanging baskets to follow.
I generally move at a snail's pace on home projects so I'm trying to take advantage of this new found energy. Next on the slate, family room. Maybe kitchen. And the charming but useless bar that J built in the living room window niche? That's going to become a window seat with bookshelves. And on no particular schedule, hopefully that teeny-tiny-"call DCFS" second bedroom will be cleaned out and magically turned into a nursery. Eventually.