Monday, October 21, 2013

15w2d - Meaningless Updates and General Nonsense

I have been a delinquent blogger as of late. My apologies. Frankly, not a whole lot is happening these days. As was the case before getting knocked up, I think about my uterus 70% of the time (gross understatement). So that hasn't changed. Certainly the contents of my uterus have changed and magically continue to grow on a daily basis. I am now 15 weeks pregnant which feels pretty close to a miracle though I have yet to receive an email from the Vatican. I think I need two more miracles for them to reach out. I hope my next act will be to give birth to a healthy baby. M-I-R-A-C-L-E of science. My third miracle, in hopes of attaining sainthood, will have nothing to do with babies as I'd like to diversify. Amy, patron saint of in vitro fertilization and _____. If you have recommendations, I'm all ears. It needs to be amazing.

I'm officially out at work which is nice and sort of a relief on all fronts.
A) I didn't realize what a huge secret it was to hide. While you're simultaneously sleeping and gagging at your desk, you have to pretend to be a normal functioning part of the office ecosystem. I took on Dolly Parton 9-to-5 hours as of August and have acted as though it's normal to saunter in at that hour which, for me, it's not. 
B) Depending on what I wear, I look awkwardly lumpy. I hoped that my coworkers would just assume I was letting myself go. Which, in many ways, I have been. Exercising is like the most difficult.
C) Do you people realize how freaking hard this has been for so long? (you do, they don't) I'm ready to play the part of a normally functioning female body regardless of whether it's true or not.

In fascinating fashion related news, I bought maternity jeans which make me look like I've shit my pants but feel like a warm, cotton candy hug for my mid-section. I adore. My big girl pants, from winters of extra padding, are still fitting and seem like they'll work for the next few weeks. I was in California last week for work and came across a sportwear store called Lumpy's. It appears they sell golf and tennis gear for the septagenarian set. I have appropriated "Lumpy's" as the name for all maternity clothing shops. Overpriced industry, you're welcome.

Upcoming enticements... Tomorrow I have my second OB appointment. I get a cervix check but no ultrasound. Boo, but yay for another appointment to tick off the list. Second, J and I have decided to peek under the skort and find out the gender this weekend. We could wait until the anatomy scan in mid-November but we're impatient people. 2 years of trying to make this kid will do that to you. We're going to one of those elective ultrasound places that I always used to judge. Still do, actually. They typically have horrible names like Peek-A-Baby and things like that. The one we're going to has a non-embarrassing name which makes it marginally better. And it's not in a strip mall. However that's all just good marketing and location, location, location. It's no better than any of the others. J kinda wants a boy and I kinda want a girl (because we live for stereotypes) so one of us will win. Really we just want a kid so we're going to be thrilled either way. I just want to be able to imagine this monkey. It's another huge piece of the puzzle.

Everyone who has felt the need to render a guess has told me it's a boy and that's gotten into my head. I don't really have a sense either way but if everyone tells you something, you start to believe it. I will say, because it warms my heart and makes me laugh, that a coworker did waiver for a moment. I am quite close to one of the custodians at the office. He was overjoyed when I told him the news. He looked me over and said, "It's a woman." A woman. Not a girl, a woman. Which makes me think that I could be carrying a 50-year-old librarian with a bad perm. He then corrected himself and said, "No, it's a boy." So there goes my middle-aged female uterine companion. I'll let you all know.


  1. Wow!! 15 weeks sounds so legit far along. I'm glad you got to come out at work!! And I'll try to reserve my harsh judgment of you for going to one of those ultrasound places. I'm sure you're totally different than all the other people that normally go there. ;)

    1. Why reserve your harsh judgement when I can't reserve it myself? I blog, I invite judgement. Those places are super silly and so am I.
      And I know, 15 weeks sounds super legit, right?

  2. Ohmygosh I hope it's not a full grown woman! That made me laugh. I had a "feeling" from the beginning that it was a boy, and it turns out it's a girl. I was tempted to go to a "peek-a-boo baby" or whatever they're called, but held out. I think it's a good idea though, because sometimes people don't get a good view at the anatomy scan and they're only like 80% sure of the sex. I couldn't deal with only 80%! Now you get two scans.
    Congrats on 15 weeks & coming out at work!

    1. I'm so glad that you were, at the very least, tempted to go to a peek-a-boo mall place. I'm slightly embarrassed. And yet, undeterred...
      So, librarian or man child?

  3. Maternity jeans ARE like a warm cotton candy hug. A hug which I plan to wear for MONTHS post-partum, pleaseandthankyou. Still, I'm a convert to maternity leggings - talk about comfort. It's basically an excuse to wear sweatpants to work. Welcome.

    p.s. I hope you'll let us know if, in fact, you are carrying a 50 year old librarian with a bad perm. Because that could totally be "miracle #3".

    1. Would you like to know my greatest regret of last weekend? Of course you would. That I did not by two or more pairs of maternity leggings at the ghetto maternity store when they were buy-one-get-one-half-off. I bought one pair, just to see, and know I'd like at least 47 more. Why are they so much better than regular leggings?

      You're right on potential miracle #3. Perfection, Vatican style.