Wednesday, September 16, 2015

16 Weeks and Such

Sixteen weeks today. Feeling like shit. Horrible headaches that make me nauseous, general feeling of being woozy and light-headed much of the time. This pregnancy is kind of a doozy. Cooking Henry was relatively easy, I've come to find out. Things that are keeping me from lying on my bathroom floor and simply moaning: I'm developing a cute little beer belly; I'll feel movement soon. I felt Henry flipping around for the first time at around 19 weeks and, if it's true that you feel the second pregnancy sooner, then I'll feel something or other in the next couple of weeks. One pick-me-up coming in the very near future is the big gender reveal. We went to a Peek-A-Crotch ultrasound center at 16 weeks with Henry and, true to form, will be doing it again this week.

I find myself thinking about gender so much more during this pregnancy. There are two reasons for this. First, when I was pregnant with Henry, I was so totally sure that he was a boy that I didn't really feel like I needed to think about what gender was living inside me. Because basically, I knew. So when the ultrasound tech swiveled around to show a prominent set of twig and berries, it just didn't feel like a surprise. I was elated - I had grown genitals out of petri dish emulsion, J's sperm and my egg - but I felt like I'd known the whole time. This time I don't have that gut feeling. The pronoun "she" wanders into my head quite a bit but that's not the same as the feeling I had with Henry. I've dreamed about having this baby several times and each time, the gender switches. Equal ticks in the girl column and boy column.

This ambiguity keeps me thinking about the gender but more so it's the future picture of my family. I think I'm done after two. It was hard to get here and I can't imagine my body will keep responding well to IVF hell. What's more, I don't think I want to be pregnant a third time or have a third child. I want parenting to be a man on man game. Children should not outnumber adults or it's total anarchy. J doesn't feel the same way - he'd like a third, he's one of three kids - but that's a discussion for the future. A discussion in which he doesn't have a uterus and doesn't pee a little when he sneezes. (I know. Kegels.) When this topic does come up, he asks me if I think that his youngest brother, was a mistake. Um, what? The question is not, "Should we eradicate all third-born children from this earth?" My answer to that question is, unequivocally, "No, they can stay." It's hard having completely irrational debates. I don't mean to shrug off J's hopes and dreams for our family, I just know that the onset of the second trimester isn't the time to make sweeping decisions.

I had this little moment of clarity the other day regarding the gender. It's totally sappy and not really like me but it's made me excited and given me a sense of calm. We're just finding out who's meant to be cooking in there. I told you. Sappy. But I'm pregnant and cried while watching a 2015 Cubs highlights reel. Sappy is my thing right now.


  1. Not that this is any kind of indicator in any way, but I'm finding pregnancy with a boy MUCH, MUCH easier than my pregnancy with Molly. So for you, I'm thinking girl. Just because you're so miserable.

    LOL @ your "eradicate all third borns from the planet!" My mom used to get a bunch of rude comments when she was pregnant with my brother - a lot of "Oh now you can be done!" because the order in my family is girl, girl, boy. So in that scenario my sister is the mistake - that stereotypical "Keep trying until you get one of each!" I think it's too soon to call, and you'll know you're done when you know you're done. I also think that asking anyone that question during pregnancy is a terrible idea (says the person who just last night was moaning and groaning and when Eric said, "How can I help?" all I could mutter was, "You can start by getting this thing out of me!" <--- and that's clearly the third trimester talking).

    I actually just read an article today about how parents of 3 are more dissatisfied with their lives than parents of 2 or 4, so your argument to the hubs could always be that if you have one more you'll really need two more and probably also a minivan. Perish the thought.

    Can't wait to hear about the big reveal!

    1. J's aunt said it was good that we were finding out the gender so we could "come to terms" if it was a boy and decide if we would try for a girl. Who knew it would be such a disappointment?! Ugh, people. People suck a little bit sometimes.
      Also, I'm sorry that your sister was a mistake. I hope she's "come to terms" with that. My parents just completely gave up after they had two girls.

      Agreed, pregnancy is the worst time to make decisions. I would officially like to do nothing henceforth.

      Eric is nicer that J. I think he's getting tired of my whining. Sucker, 5.5 months to go. And then postpartum complaining starts.

    2. I just reread that last part. We're so lucky to have anything to complain about. And yet...