The Junkie is Back.

I return. I return from the land of spouting geysers, bubbling mud pots and ornery buffalo. Yellowstone done me good. I challenge you to stay in a wifi-free cabin surrounded by mountains and wild flowers and to remain hung up on your shit. You basically can't do it, at least for most of the day. To be honest, I still laid in bed at night with thoughts of infertility dancing in my head but that's apparently unavoidable. A little bit of that baggage clings on wherever you go. Regardless, it was a true vacation. I barely worked (a victory) and my evil brain spawn stayed largely at bay. Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons are awe-inspiringly, spectacularly gorgeous. I've been lucky to spend time in a lot of beautiful, natural spaces but this one knocked my socks off. You must go. You simply must. I am committed to going back because after a week, I feel like I didn't even crack the surface of what those two national parks have to offer.

I title my post "The Junkie is Back" because in every sense, I am. Back from Yellowstone and, significantly, back to elbow crook track marks and pinpoint belly bruises. For the first time in quite a while, the universe did me a solid and held off my period until I returned from vacation. (The park ranger first aid cabin surprisingly does not provide ultrasounds and blood work unless a rabid bull elk stabs you in the uterus. Fortunately, I did not incur this wrath.) On Monday, the flood gates opened, the angels sang, and I got a real, normal period for the first time since the longest miscarriage ever. That's just shy of three months since confirmation of fetal demise if anyone is counting. I was due for some bleeding. Yesterday I went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. All normal, good to go. I started stims last night.

This cycle, my meds are wildly switched up. For my first IVF, I was on a very standard protocol: 3 weeks of birth control pills, followed by Lupron, then Follistim & Menopur before trigger. The results were solidly meh: 11 eggs, 7 mature, 5 fertilized, 2 sorta-kinda-decent embryos, 1 frozen blastocyst, 1 lackluster BFP and 1 miscarriage. Let's do better, shall we? This go round, no birth control pills so as not to over-suppress my cranky reproductive system. Yay! Day 2 of my cycle started with stim drugs Follistim and Menopur. I'll shoot up with those for the whole cycle. Next Monday I add in Human Growth Hormone. I expect to get taller and more beautiful. Then, when my follicles reach 14mm or so, I add in Ganilrelix to prevent premature ovulation. Soon after, it's party time. This protocol makes so much more sense to me. In the long Lupron protocol, you shut down your hormones (Good morning, menopause!) until you no longer have the will to live. I slept through my days, typically in a pool of sweat. Then you kick your hormones directly into high gear until you're ready to burst. Apparently this works well for people. Not my cup of tea. With the Ganilrelix protocol sans birth control, you take your natural hormonal low point - onset of period, progesterone dropped off, estrogen just beginning to climb - and add in the stimulants then. At least conceptually, I like this. We'll see if my body likes it too. Dear God, pleeeeaaaase. Mama's getting tired of all this shiz.