Being crazy is a sad affair. It's exhausting being irrational ALL THE TIME. But I must. I have no choice.
Today has been a freaking wonderful day. Chicago finally decided it's summer and is spitting out some decently hot weather. It's the type of day where I'd crack a cold beer on the porch were I not knocked up via petri dish emulsion fluid. No complaints, just saying. I'm very happy with my flavored sparkling water. We had our 7w3d ultrasound this afternoon and for the first time ever, our Dr. M proclaimed our rapidly growing blob "perfect." I haven't heard the word perfect once in this whole infertility rigamaroll. It was pretty dreamy. J and I left the clinic grinning like idiots. We know we're not out of the woods yet but damn it feels good to be a gangsta. Mixed metaphors just feel right today. While waiting for the elevator at the hospital (OB-GYN and Reproductive Endocrinology are on the same floor because they're super sensitive and awesome like that), J complemented a woman on her choice in strollers. Now, that's a completely bizarre thing for a man to do. But it's very J - he's an oddly observant and aesthetically inclined individual - and it warmed my heart. Our ultrasound today allowed us to think beyond the next week or so.
Here's where the crazy comes in. (Cuz it always does.) I'm texting Maggie about random nonsense and she tells me that one of her friends is pregnant. I know this friend, though not well, and would typically wish her no ill will. But my immediate knee jerk reaction? Bitch. I haven't had much practice as a pregnant woman and certainly almost none as a calm-not-worried pregnant woman but I have had years of practice as an infertile woman. And she came raging out. Why am I still annoyed that people can get pregnant by having sex? I don't know, but I am. I'm still in the only-infertiles-and-my-bestest-friends-are-allowed-to-get-pregnant stage. How long does that stage last? Possibly forever? More so than nausea, lingering malice towards the fertile is my least favorite pregnancy symptom.